4/24/2023 0 Comments Making memoriesWith the child’s permission, some of these may be appropriate for sharing at a memorial. Younger children can dictate stories and memories to be jotted for them. Write a simple poem or story as a tender and creative outlet.Some children might prefer creating a collage with textures and fabrics. Give your child crayons and paint to compose an artwork reminding him or her of a deceased loved one.Start simple traditions that encourage conversations about death, like visiting a local cemetery on Memorial Day or bringing May Day baskets to terminally ill children in the hospital.Cook a special meal to eat together as a backdrop for sharing more stories.Have a treasure hunt to gather reminders of the relationship- find cherished photographs, favorite keepsakes and vacation souvenirs.Reverend Patricia Liberty, a former chaplain for Hospice organizations in Virginia and Rhode Island, reminds us that “Telling a story helps be less afraid, celebrate each moment and keep loving until the last breath is drawn.” Set aside a story night in which adults and children share favorite tales.They also become important tools to express feelings of loss and grief. These natural inclinations become a logical way for your child to express love for and communicate with someone who is dying. Children also intuitively gravitate to favorite ways of expressing themselves. Tapping into the activities and endearments that shape those relationships helps comfort children coping with a relative’s terminal illness or life-changing condition like Alzheimer’s. Ways to engage your child in memory-making.Ĭhildren are already making memories with the people they love. Free from the grown-up and often-romanticized notion of how things ought to be, children are particularly good at memory-making because they are good at being themselves. Becoming deliberate about memories-in-the-making adds richness to current relationships, as well as comfort in the future. I have long believed, memories made with people we love are too crucial to leave to chance. Smiles, scents, a whistled tune, a lap for reading, the sound of a voice- even a dozen familiar things you may have never thought were special form the memories that sustain a lifetime and help fill a child’s void of a loved one. I know firsthand that children instinctively remember comforting aspects of a loving relationship with someone who is dying. Power also exists in making memories, especially in helping children to process the death of a loved one. Amid all the memories accumulated over the years, important early experiences remain clear enough to evoke the emotions that accompanied them. There’s something about childhood memories that remains indelible as we grow older- that shiny new bike, first home run or cherished puppy. Memories can help a child balance the finality of loss. Whatever difficulty we have as adults in sorting out emotions and putting words to them, the challenge is magnified tenfold in children. The same is true for articulating feelings and expressing needs. They don’t know they will lose the people they love on their journey.”Ī child’s ability to understand the finality of death- and the family changes that ensue- relates directly to age and emotional development. According to Sue Bailey, elementary school counselor in Norwich, Connecticut: “Grown ups know we are all going to die. How then do we teach our children that loss is an inevitable and natural part of life- a part of life that children deserve to be shown with tenderness and forethought? Children experience loss differently than adults.įor most children, death is a surprising, unexpected notion. However, little prepares us for when someone we love is dying. Tragic events often lead the evening news. We live in a culture of dramatic contrast. Occasionally, a parent would alert me about an upcoming funeral, but, over all those years, those precious schoolchildren said little about dying. More than 700 diverse students spent school years with me, and yet few ever acknowledged losing someone they loved. I recently retired after 30 years of teaching elementary school children.
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